Don’t Match Energy but Don’t Be a Fool Either
Updated: Sep 6
To be honest, I recommend starting here: The Inner Lioness: I Care Too Much but Like…IDGAF…Like Forreal or even The Dark Night of the Soul: Being the Victim, Mourning, Rising Up, and Moving Forward. Sometimes, how we express negativity (or even positivity) is just our inner selves begging for someone to actively listen; we’re overstimulated, it needs to be released, or a plethora of other things. I’m sure a psychologist has the correct term for this. I genuinely love psychology, but it can be just as manipulative and dark as legalese or any other subject, really. The illusion of balance is key.
This is more of a part three to purge out the last lil’ bit of resentment I may or may not have about my past. (I mean…it…is…Aries…season). A sign I’m grateful not to have in my Placidus chart If you know, you know.
Anywho…
If someone were to tell me they never get angry or feel negative emotions/feelings unless they have a congenital condition, I wouldn’t believe them. Plus, as someone who’s finally learned how to respond to aggressive energy or bullies, keep in mind that the issue lies within them, not you...It’s not worth the energy, but don’t be a doormat! With time and trusting yourself, the balance comes when learning to choose your battles. My nana would tell my mother I was the type of child who just needed to be talked to when it came to discipline, and for the most part, that’s true. I was young but intelligent. Nowadays, I think I’m getting a lil' old though, honey! I love listening to experiences about my ancestors.
Back in the day, I used to be so sensitive and would cry (I guess the stereotype about Pisces women being crybabies is true…blah…whatever). When something bad happened to me, or it was time to defend myself. I would break down in tears, destroy an inanimate object, or try to run away. However, my physical boundaries never budged too much. On the other hand, my emotional boundaries needed a lot of work…like a lot. I’ve taken several emotional L’s over the years, but you win some, and you lose some. It is what it is. But at the same time, once I had finally had enough of the emotional abuse or betrayal, I would be completely done, and it's like someone never existed to me anymore.
NOWADAYS, I’m an emotional soldier, honey. It would take me what felt like forever to get over things because I was naïve and thought love, career, and wealth worked out like in the happy endings of wholesome movies. These aren't necessarily “wholesome,” but movies like “The Wood” or “Love & Basketball” are black romantic classics I can rewatch anytime; a new favorite is “Jason’s Lyric”…but let’s keep it all the way one hunnid…Most of the time I’ll also just look at you like you’re stupid because I stay quiet for a reason(I play chess, not checkers), but sometimes I was crying out of anger because I couldn’t tussle with some of these hoes (I really want to say “you bitches” *non-gender specific) because of my self-control and not wanting to get in trouble. I’m a work in progress, honey, not a saint. However, I’m not the fighting type because I know my strength, plus I’m too cute…but at the same time, I’m not gonna (I know “going to” is grammatically correct) let someone beat my ass either. I feel myself about to go into a tangent about how much I hate bullies, so let me digress…*woosah*
My words cut deep enough, and I always say I’ll make you feel like shit in the calmest way (and may not even do it on purpose), but I’m also learning to work on it (sigh)… having a retrograded Mars in Leo is a mf…ugh.
Back to the point though! As I mentioned in this video:
When you’re naturally a calm person or have a peaceful demeanor (not someone who fakes like they are), people will try you, and once my lil’ sensitive ass is tired of being used, the lioness that comes out can be quite scary (not physically…words are powerful). For example, I remember being cheated on after my first heartbreak. That lil’ heartbreak just so happened to be after I decided to break the seal (if you know you know) and ended up in a toxic relationship right after. I was so young and dumb. Apparently, narcissists can smell a giving heart from a mile away. After what seemed to be smooth sailing, I was hit with a “we need to talk”. Just so I don’t go off into a ramble, all I’m gonna say is I used every cuss word I could think of…for days…and I’m gonna leave it at that because we’re grown now and actually became cordial. Thank the Divine (God) for protecting me from not getting pregnant yet…but life happens to other people; I understand. It’s irrelevant to anger, but maintaining a genuine, two-parent home and union not based on materialism, yet still prosperous, is a standard I’m not willing to settle for. I’m rambling…back to the point, sigh.
Furthermore, last year supercharged my spiritual growth to a whole new level because of a cuckoo-bird-ass neighbor et al. (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)…I had property managers and neighbors from hell…That’s why tapping into The Dark Night of the Soul: Being the Victim, Mourning, Rising Up, and Moving Forward first makes sense because I thought I was being pranked when I read that police report. I was matching energy, heavy, from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. per the community guidelines. “Yo, listen, you hear that? Killers in the jungle…Hear the RUMBLE…DJ, pull up the tune, bun up the room”.
When I really think about it, though, it was just retaliation because of a very direct statement I made about someone being corrupt because they weren't listening, and I also mistakenly called the po-po on a sociopathic narcissist I no longer deal with, after watching TikTok, ya don’t stop…and it was actually a welfare check(not criminal)…so yeah. False prophets/prophetess are real. Take heed, honey. Ugh, if nothing else…I’m not walking; I’m RUNNING if I even sense another pathological lying, narcissist. Emotional scars don’t heal easily, man. sigh.
Let’s wrap this up though (I have a corny joke to input here, but I’m gonna leave it alone). At some point in our lives, we have to take full accountability for why we choose to let people, entities, or whatever the case may be, bait us into their chaos and confusion, or why we master manipulate ourselves into being in environments that don’t serve our higher selves. There’s nothing wrong with fucking up in life when you’re younger…sometimes even older; we’re all fighting temptations (that’s my movie, honey!) and making a “wrong” choice or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or 8…chile, I’m gonna stop counting, but in the beautiful words of Maya Angelou, “do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better”.
Every cycle doesn’t need to be renewable.
More Intimate Thoughts and Perspectives: https://www.dominiquesrobertsw.com/blog
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