The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Celibacy
Updated: Sep 5
Depending on who it's being discussed with, the topic of "sex" can be so taboo, but then again, it's a part of human nature, and with sexuality now being a part of this huge spectrum, we can never really know where each other stands without asking clarifying questions. I decided to do a quick look-up for the definition of "celibacy" and, to be honest, there are several definitions, especially in relation to religious beliefs, so I just skimmed everything and went from there. With that being said, obviously everyone isn't going to feel it's necessary to abstain from sex, but some of us are out here.
For me personally, my journey started because I wanted to take the time to learn how to truly love myself and find happiness within without a companion, sexual toys (gotta keep it real), or seeking external validation, which also came with cutting out online dating (I was never really a fan of it anyway, but that's a whole other topic). We all have our "why" when it comes to the decisions we make (or maybe not), and that was mine. As someone who wants an ideal partnership that's monogamous, as I'm maturing and growing older, being stimulated physically just to go through the motions isn't fulfilling. I've come to realize that with my past situationships, "relationships", and everything else in between, I was trying to fill this void that could only be found within. I'm a lover girl who loves, love but I had some serious growing up to do when it came to communication, setting boundaries, being naïve, etc.
The good part is...1yr+ later, I've become comfortable with being by myself, and having someone around that may or may not disturb my peace actually feels a bit off-putting. Plus, now that I know what it feels like to have peace of mind while being single (technically, I've been single for 5+ years), sometimes I question if I'll be ready for the next one (and when I say next one, it's giving marriage, honey, but that's just my own lil' personal caveat because marriage is subjective too). The bad part is, well...I'm still a woman, so hormonally I go through changes every month, and I have a very healthy libido. In the spiritual community, I believe it's considered "kundalini energy," and in certain religious communities, it's just plain ole' lust. Either way, I've been able to use the energy in productive ways, and it continues to propel me into a world of creativity and how I express myself. It's almost funny to write about something like celibacy because I was also reading about asexuality the other day and found it interesting because an asexual individual may or may not experience sexual attraction towards others anyway, and it goes back to the spectrum I mentioned earlier.
Whether the reasoning or "why" is in-depth or not, I feel like the choices we make stem from a certain belief system. I'm starting to realize that I crave an intimacy that's deeper than physical contact, but in a world where "sex sells" or hypersexuality is so prevalent, meeting individuals with this same understanding falls far, few, and in-between, but then again, that's a biased perception based on my personal experience. As far as the ugly of celibacy, when I really think about it...there's not a long laundry list of reasons unless someone is actively seeking a relationship or craving physical contact with people. Furthermore, there's a peace of mind that comes with not having to question my sexual health...don't get me wrong, there are several ways to protect ourselves nowadays, and sometimes things just happen, etc., but because of my "why", I feel like this is exactly what I needed when it comes to focusing on myself and my self-love journey.
More Intimate Thoughts and Perspectives:
Comments