The Official Last Emotional Purge: Life Isn’t Fair, and Love Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.
Updated: Sep 5
7.2.24
To be honest, on second thought, I haven’t necessarily given up on love, but at the same time, it’s definitely not a priority right now…
6.30.24
As I lay here writing this, it’s almost weird that I’ve finally decided to give up on love or getting married. I’m transforming a few heavy emotions before this next season of my life, as well as right before Mother Nature’s gift(ak.a. period)...go figure...But I should’ve never tried to be a meditator to others and a lover girl for so long. I definitely could’ve been married by now, but I’m not taking care of a man; an emotional connection matters to me, and I don’t like that melanated women have such a subordinate stereotype to bums and family drama…not cute…but I’m also not marrying for money because those marriages are shams for the public. I guess I’m waiting on something too rare, but I deserve it, so it is what it is. The thought of it doesn’t seem like a reality I care to embark on anymore, which is ironic because I typed out an entire prayer about it.
Being quiet and observant and then eventually speaking up for myself out of frustration has been an interesting journey, to say the least…
I’m at peace by myself, and I don’t think I’m ready anymore…I don’t see myself as a baby mother or a stepmother, or maybe it’s wrong to want your first to also be your husband’s first?
And ghetto love isn’t for me.
Maybe being a hoe in the shadows or using men for money was the answer all along because I could never bring myself to do it. I was taught to work an honest living and go to school…Either way, as a defense mechanism for my heart and my peace of mind, I’m over it. Maybe good girls are supposed to finish last, too. Either way, I’m completely letting go of the past and focusing on myself…It’s peaceful here, and I’ve been really tapping into my creativity, which I love! I love the thought of love, but love doesn’t live here anymore. My time is precious, and although life isn’t fair, I’m going to remain grateful and appreciate that none of the trials and tribulations I went through stopped me from reaching my goals…legitimately. I’m starting not to believe slow and steady wins the race but one thing I do know is; that PharmD is mine, and it’s going to be a beautiful accomplishment and poetic justice after sitting at a round table during my lowest moments and going through the trenches, especially after someone asked me to question myself about whether it was the right career for me…I’m a healer by nature. The title and being able to practice with it is just going to be icing on the cake. Challenge accepted and challenge conquered…in due season. It’s already done.
More Intimate Thoughts and Perspectives: https://www.dominiquesrobertsw.com/blog
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